Can You Really Take Sex Advice from Others?

Sex & the City: The Movie has been bringing people out to theatres by the millions. This is because everywhere, people love hearing about and talking about sex. In the movie, the infamous Carrie Bradshaw has parlayed a weekly sex column into a wildly successful writing career. In real life, there are literally tons of columns where readers ask people they’ve never met how to not only improve their love lives, but heat up things in the bedroom. I have often wondered how people take sex advice from strangers, or even their own friends. This has always seemed a little weird to me, not because people are so frank about the innermost details of their intimate lives, but because it seems like a huge risk to ask someone how to relate to another individual whom they’ve never met. The more these thoughts fluttered through my brain, the more I realized that obtaining sex advice from strangers (or close buddies) may not be the best idea. Here’s why…

“Individual” individuals.

At the risk of sounding crude, while there are several variations of the sexual act, the basic act of sex is relatively simple. That being said, it is virtually impossible to predict what someone will or won’t enjoy, physically. Foreseeing someone’s likes or dislikes is exponentially more difficult when the person attempting the prediction has never even met the lover in question. In addition to that, the mere fact that everyone’s body is unique makes it that much more problematic. The bottom line is that certain commonalities exist where sex is concerned. But the fact that people are individuals with distinct emotions, experiences, personalities, and physical make-up presents an infinite number of possibilities.

Relating to “Relations”…

While sexual intercourse is more or less a “universal” activity, the circumstances surrounding any particular couple can be so vast, that attempting to provide someone with sexual advice is premature at best. The history (or lack thereof) that exists between two people has everything to do with how they will relate to one another under intimate circumstances. It has been proven that many physical sensations are directly induced by a person’s psychological state. (How on earth would nocturnal emissions occur without brain power?) This is why physical infatuation tends to fade once a person’s unattractive inner qualities begin to emerge. Thus, accepting sexual advice from a person who isn’t privy to all the conditions can be a little risky.

“Motivational” Speakers…

Unless you are seeing a licensed therapist (or health care professional) for any kind of specific pointers, you may want to consider who in fact is dishing out the advice. It always seems easy to consult a close friend when having issues in the boudoir. Your peers are most often the people you trust the most with sensitive issues. But it is always a wise idea to consider the motivation behind the advice you’re receiving from your good buddies. For instance, a female friend who’s slightly envious of your love life may not overtly attempt to sabotage your relationship. But she may in fact provide opinions which aren’t entirely selfless. People have all sorts of attitudes about sex. And quite frankly, their previous experiences (or even lack thereof) are likely to color the opinions quite a bit.

To Dish or Not to Dish…

Deciding whether to seek advice about something so intimate is a personal decision. The factors involved in a romantic relationship are what most people use to gauge their sex lives. Some argue that a truly objective opinion is the best one to obtain. This is because people close to you may actually be uncomfortable talking about such a delicate topic. Additionally, revealing something so private about yourself to others may actually alter how they perceive you. Another ting that you might want to consider is how the information may be used in the future. There may also be the possibility that things you discuss with one, may eventually be fodder for many. Before diving into the sticky details (no pun intended) of your sex life, you might want to consider that the things you say can come back to haunt you.